Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Business of Birth

This post will be a little different than the others. This post is strictly about insurance issues, money problems and God's provision. As I mentioned in an earlier post, this year and pregnancy have been wrought with unexpected difficulties. Praise God that Eli and I have been healthy since day one, but external issues have arisen. The day that we found out we were expecting a new miracle, we lost my dad; after much searching I found a midwife that I loved, but also found that our insurance had changed and that my pregnancy care would cost significantly more than it had with Paige; Patrick was let go from his job in May, and thus we lost all our benefits; the health benefits offered with Patrick's new job were not enough to cover my expenses at the hospital, and were very expensive for me, along with the fact that we were making less money. Then, the company tried to use a loophole to deny coverage for Patrick and Paige. And on and on the list went. It seemed like every time we talked about insurance or a bill came I cried and worried over how we would ever be able to pay for it all. I knew that God would provide for us, but that didn't mean that we wouldn't have a huge bill that we would be paying back for the next 10 years. God did intervene in a million different ways - from family members offering to help, money coming in from strange places (Patrick got 2 bonuses from his old job while waiting to start his new one), the option of Cobra opening up for me, and Patrick supernaturally being able to join the healthcare option at his new job despite their refusal, just to name a few. God has been revealing to us everyday how He takes care of His own. Things were looking up. Granted, my care is still a significant cost and we are struggling to do it all right now, but God has been coming through and we haven't been late on a single payment. Then I got a bill today. It was a bill for the sonogram I got last month that apparently the insurance would not pay for. My heart sank when I opened the envelope. How could they not cover that? We paid our monthly payment and went through so much to get the coverage. How can we pay for this on top of everything else? I tried not to let it upset me or stress me out, and decided that it was probably a glitch that I could fix over the phone tomorrow. But thinking of that phone call made me angry and stressed and sad. Why does this happen every time? Why can't it just work out the way it's supposed to? Why do I have to lose sleep over something that should already have been taken care of, and fight to get the things I've already paid for? I was dreading the morning, when I turned on the TV. There was an old episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition on, and it had a family whose son had been born severely handicapped. Their needs were immense (including outrageous medical bills), and these strangers came and built them a house and paid off their mortgage. I cried through the entire episode as I realized the great provision of our God, His incredible love for His children and the amazing purpose that He has for each individual little miracle life that He brings into this world. God didn't leave this family adrift, and He wouldn't leave Patrick and me in all of this. He has and He will provide for ALL of our needs. I suddenly felt so stupid. My God made this baby, and He would provide for him, and He has a purpose and plan for this little baby boy. In fact, God loves Elijah more than Patrick and I ever could. These struggles and stresses are so small in comparison to the blessing of this baby boy. It humbled me to realize how spoiled I had been. I expected things to go smoothly with no bumps in the road, yet I accepted the sacrifice that Jesus made for me and all of the blessings I had received. We are called to sacrifice - this life is not about me. I am here to glorify my Savior and to serve my wonderful husband and my beautiful children. The key to real joy in this life is to put myself, my needs and my desires last. God will work this out for my good and His glory, and when I look back at all these little nuisances, I will realize how insignificant they were. These circumstances are small and for a time, but how I respond to them will determine a lot about my future and the future of our family. I can choose to trust the Lord and give it all to Him, knowing that He loves me and knows my every need. Or I can whine, complain, focus on my circumstance and try to go it alone. The first road leads to peace, joy and the ability to get out of the way and let God move on my behalf. The second will end in frustration, fatigue and failure. I am going to do my best to open door #1. So tomorrow I will be on that phone, working out this problem and knowing that regardless of their answer God's answer is Elijah, Paige, Patrick and I are His and He will take care of us.

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